I am on front door guard duty in the barracks, and it's almost midnight. From our post at the front door we can see a bus in the distance dropping off new recruits. The people getting off the bus from the airport are all in the same position we were in back on January 17th... scared, and wondering why they ever enlisted in the Army. I feel bad for them.
We are supposed to ship from Reception to basic training on Wednesday at noon. My heart is already racing with dread at the thought of the Drill Sergeants' "shark attack" on the first day. I am with a group of very loud, undisciplined girls, and I know we're going to have the living hell smoked out of us. Tonight at light's out (9:00pm), one girl kept switching the lights on and off. She is a tall woman who has publicly bragged of her several prior arrests and is always threatening to beat people up. This same woman constantly talks in formation and refuses to listen. I am terrified of being stuck with her as my battle buddy in basic. I cannot even imagine how miserable an experience that would be. Anyone else would be better.
Today was a bit of a rough day for me emotionally. I think the stress is manifesting physically, as my stomach is always in pain, my head is pounding, my chest hurts, and I feel like throwing up. Honestly it comes as something of a surprise that this would already be affecting me so much physically and emotionally.
Nights are the worst. If they keep us busy during the day, it isn't so bad. However, when things settle down and they cut us loose for personal time, it gets a little rough. I am left alone with my thoughts, and that isn't always a good thing. I usually find myself feeling depressed about being here. The potential future deployment weighs heavily upon my mind, and I wonder how I could get through it.
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