#5 - The waiting game

Right now I'm in a bit of a holding pattern. I'm waiting for my waiver to be approved (I need a waiver since I chaptered out of basic training the last time). It has been approved at the company (?) level but I have to wait for the paperwork to pass through the proper channels.

Upon the final approval, I will be visiting the MEPS (Military Entrance Processsing Station) again. Another height & weight test, then meeting with an Army counselor to talk about jobs. I'd like to leave for basic in January or February. If I can't do that, then I may try to wait to go until the fall because of civilian obligations.

I'd like to know what's going on... the anticipation and not knowing is torture!

I previously visited the MEPS in October to undergo an initial evaluation for enlistment. The Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, National Guard, and Coast Guard all process potential recruits through the MEPS. This entailed enduring a day filled with taking the ASVAB test (the military's way of evaluating your ability to do various jobs) as well as a physical. Luckily I did pretty well on the ASVAB, and was told that I should (in theory) qualify for any job I wanted. The first time I took the ASVAB years ago, I scored an AFQT of 96 out of 99 possible points. Not bad! This time around I scored an AFQT of 87. Perhaps my brain has atrophied somewhat over the years...? Or maybe I should have taken more than 20 minutes to finish the entire test!

The physical included taking height and weight, the infamous "duck walk" in your underwear, hearing and eye testing (including depth perception), a blood, urine and breathalyzer test, a 5 second ob-gyn exam, filling out a number of forms, and an interview with a very crotchety doctor. The MEPS is where recruits are given their first glimpse of "hurry up and wait"... not a lot of fun.

#4 - Spillin' the beans

I let two more people in on the secret yesterday - my supervisors at work. I figure they needed to know, since my absence will affect them directly. I didn't know how they would take the news, but it seemed to go over well. One of my bosses even said he was proud of me. I guess I had half-expected people to tell me I was crazy for joining, but so far, so good.

Telling other folks has somehow made the decision more real - like it may have only been an idea before, but now I have to act upon it. Of course, that's not really the case, as I was going to follow through with it... but it has a different feel now.

The dreams I have at night about the military are not in short supply. I've been having periodic dreams about being in BCT for a 2nd time ever since I chaptered out of basic the first time. Sometimes the dreams were waking up in the barracks and thinking, "Oh no! I'm here again!". Othertimes they were along the lines of "Ah, I'm here a second time and this should be easy now!". I'm hoping reality is more like the latter type of dream. I've been dreaming about basic for so long, though, that I fear I'm going to wake up there and not know if it's real or not. Kind of like the dreams some kids have where they think they're walking to the bathroom and using the toilet, until they wake up feeling warm and quite wet... ;>

#3 - Reasons

I suppose keeping secrets from friends and family has taken its toll. I've been having dreams lately about it. I still don't know if I will break down and tell anyone else before I leave for BCT. How will I explain away a 9-week+ absence? I still haven't figured out all the details.

It's likely that the first thing folks will do when they find out what I've done is to ask why. So... I've come up with a list of answers:

- Being a vet may help me someday in my career and goal of getting a permanent job with the state or federal government. If (more likely, when) I get deployed someday, I might have vet's pref to show for it. I am a seasonal employee of a federal agency now. I love my present employer, though my position is not permanent. When such a slot opens up down the road, I might be in a better standing to compete for that slot as a veteran.

- The job training I will receive in my MOS (military occupational specialty, or job) may be helpful in my civilian career, or will give me something else to fall back on if I decided someday I no longer want to be an Archaeologist. I'm hoping to get an MOS of either Technical Engineer (21T) or Topographic Analyst (21U).

- Getting money for grad school would be great. Being able to come up with that money without asking my husband for help is even better. He does enough for me already, and it would be nice to get this on my own.

- If all goes well during the first enlistment, who knows, maybe I'll reup... perhaps even do 20 years and get a nice pension out of it. Or at the very least, I have some years to combine with other time earned for retirement once I (hopefully) can land a permanent federal job.

- There is a chance I might get some kind of signing bonus. I already told my husband that any extra $ would go right towards bills & paying down debt. I think we're ok financially, but it makes sense to use that money for practical purposes rather than being selfish with it and spending it all on myself.

- Being a soldier is something I've always been interested in. As I child, I preferred playing "Army" over having dolls. There is a part of me that has always wanted to join the military. Those of you who don't believe in reincarnation might scoff at this, but I believe I've been a soldier in many of my past lives. Call me weird, but this seems "right".

- I've always had a lot of respect for veterans and the sacrafices they've made for our country. I'm no fan of the current administration nor its policies, but I've never held anything against military personnel. I've always thought that serving our country in some way, whether it be military or civil service, should be mandatory. I would take a lot of pride in being able to serve, even if my contribution was small.

- This might sound a little odd, but I feel that at this time in my life, I need some kind of challenge. I'm sure completing basic training as an "old woman" will certainly provide that.

- And one of the biggest reasons I want to do this is the fact that I started it before and was never able to finish. Not being able to complete the experience has haunted me for years. This unfinished business has been one of my biggest regrets. I finally have a chance to make things right. Thankfully my husband is being very supportive, and I can go through with it.

#2 - Basic, round one

In the first post, I stated that I had been in the Army previously.

Somehow I was able to get away with having a disposable camera towards the end of basic training, so I will post a few pics of my prior BCT experience.

In the above photo, I am the grinning idiot on the left wearing the Kevlar. The person on the right is my battle buddy, Pvt. Harris. Some people don't like their battle buddies very much in basic. Imagine being forced to spend nearly 24 hours a day paired with a stranger for 8 or 9 weeks. If you are lucky like me, you will have a good battle buddy. I liked Harris, and we ended up becoming friends. We were a little different than most of the folks in our platoon. Harris and I would often sneak away to meditate if we got any (rare) free time. I believe the other girls in our platoon thought we were New Age freaks. On fireguard duty, sometimes we'd have time to talk, albeit in whispers, while everyone else was sleeping... We'd often wax philosophic and enter into deep discussions on God, religion, existence, reincarnation, and the human condition... just about anything but the Army. On Sundays, rather than staying and cleaning the barracks, we "got religion" and made the rounds, going to a new church service each week... Christian, Spanish-speaking Catholic, Baptist, Fundamentalist, Mormon, Native American, Wiccan services... it was like a great religious sampler that offered a few moments of calm away from the BCT storm. After I got out of the Army, I ended up living in California. Harris also got out on a medical discharge. At one point I even crashed at her house for awhile.

Reception is a period of time about a week long before basic officially starts where you fill out reams of paperwork, receive shots and exams, are issued uniforms, etc. In reception I had a battle buddy who was rather unpleasant to be around. She was a chronic complainer, constantly whined, and was reluctant to follow orders. You are ultimately responsible for your battle buddy, so I was always getting in trouble. The worst, though, was that she had some serious personal hygiene deficiencies. It's tough to get up close and personal 24/7 with someone who absolutely refuses to brush their teeth or shower. It got so bad that finally the Captain had to intervene and order her to take care of business, if not for herself, for us poor saps around her. Thankfully I was paired with Harris through basic and didn't have to stay with the other girl.

I suppose that I'm already thinking ahead to my next shot at completing basic training. How will the drill sergeants be? Who will I have for a battle buddy? Will I make friends in my platoon? Am I going to get a lot of flack for being old (34 or 35) compared to most of the kids in training who are 17 or 18? Last time I was in basic, I was assigned the nickname "the college professor". Maybe this time it will be "Grandma"...?

#1 - Why this blog?

Why this blog?

Well, I guess the internet is perfect for this sort of thing.

See, I have a secret.

I'm joining the Army Reserve and no one knows about it.

Well, almost. My plans have been revealed only to my husband, my mother, and just one friend. That's it.

Who doesn't know? My father, my stepfather, my two brothers, my sister-in-law, my extended family, my co-workers, my neighbors, and most of my friends... even my best friends that I have known for 20+ years.

Why am I keeping this a secret?

I was in the Army many years ago. I received an administrative entry-level separation and was sent home before I finished basic training. That time, everybody knew about my plans. And everybody knew that somehow I screwed up when I was sent home. Some people didn't believe my version of what had happened and mistakenly thought I washed out because somehow it was too tough, or I couldn't make the grade.

This time, they won't know what I'm doing until it's over.

I'm really not that good at keeping secrets... especially from people that I care about.

However, to be honest, I'm terrified at the prospect of failure... and having everyone knowing of my failure.

Hence this web blog. Few (if any) of the people that I know and love will read this... at least not for a very long time. If you've stumbled upon this blog, odds are that you are a stranger.

Welcome to my journal. Thanks in advance for taking the time to read my thoughts and ramblings... and to share in the things that I just can't share with those close to me...yet.